I won't be there

I receive in my personal email each day "A Mountain Wings Moment." The thought for today really struck a cord with me.

A lady wrote about going to the cemetery and looking for her husband's brother's tomb stone. At first they couldn't find it and had to call Mom to see if she could help give them directions, and when they did find it they felt no joy or comfort.

These are her words below but it says volumes.

"I decided to walk up and down the rows. Those headstones told so many stories while I walked among them, there were mothers, fathers, husbands, wives and babies who had just one day before God took them home.

When we finally found his headstone I felt no sense of accomplishment. It was marble with words. He wasn't there. The good memories weren't there.

If we want to visit Richie, all we have to do is talk to his parents or his brothers or his best friend. That's where we should look, in people’s hearts.

We could move a thousand miles away and still visit Richie. The part of our loved ones that we long for are much easier to find than a headstone. I think we should visit those we loved often with laughter, stories, and a shared love.

I will tell my children when they decide to visit me to just get together for lunch or give each other a hug because that is where I will always be.

Don't bother walking through the cemetery. I won't be there."

I've always told my children when it's time for me to go not to let me linger in the funeral home but to bury me quickly with a simple ceremony, and to get on with their lives. But I really won't to go one step further and just say;

"I won't be there either so visit with each other and laugh out loud over some of the antics of your mother."

Another Friend Lavada Haupt in Heaven

God took another writer friend Wednesday night with a brain tumor, Lavada Haupt.

Kristy Dykes critiqued some of Lavada's work and like myself thought Lavada was an excellent writer. She had one book published but at least 4 in progress.

I know God is in control and knows better than I why now and why Lavada or why Kristy. I hope they are sharing writing tips in Heaven. And saving a spot for me to join in one day. We had such good times sharing what we had learned from each other and other sources.

Lavada was only a phone call or an email away when I needed something read over and critiqued in a hurry, for as you should know writers are always in a hurry to get to the next page of their article or book. No time to spare or waste.

I will dearly miss Lavada and her books that I was priveleged to critique, a couple were never finished and I have no clue as to how she planned to end the saga.

She stumped me many times with her romantic words, such as "her heart trembled", being my practical self I wanted to know how a heart trembled or "eyes sparkled", so many of her romantic expressions were wonderful. I began to think I wasn't a romantic, but then my writing led to truth with fiction thrown in, and Lavada wrote Christian Romance.

I will so miss her.

Barbara

11/19/08 Lavada's Going Home Day

Process of Grief

This is a post that I wrote to Milton Dykes who has been keeping up his wife Kristy's blog since she passed away. God is so good to lead us forward after a death in our family. I wanted to share this incase someone else reads my blog and is going through the grieving process. Milton share his story so well, having been there I reconize the process.

I couldn't even begin to tell you how long the grieving process will last or how often it will take you unawares. I just know it does. My first experience with grief was my first child who lived only 27 days, and after three more children I still grieved for the one who didn't make it.

How long? I remember it well, fifteen years and then one day while looking at my then 14 year old daughter, 9 and 5 year old sons, I was okay and I didn't grieve for her anymore.

When my husband passed away in January of 2004 after a long heart breaking illness I traveled the same road my sister traveled two years before. But with her knowledge of the process, and many friends and family I came through, and in November of 2006 when my youngest son married my grief lifted and a week later I met the man I would marry a year later.

A lot of days I prayed out loud, me who always wrote my thoughts down and read books continuously, couldn't read or write for almost 6 months. But then peace came and my mind turned to other things.

I pray this peace for you Milton. Peace and Joy will overcome the grief in time. You are truly blessed to have had such a wonderful wife, who had such an understanding of life and living beyond death. And let us not forget her knowledge of Romance. Remember her and go forth, for there is still much to do. God most assuredly has his hand upon you.

Many Blessings

Barbara

Another Birthday

Another Birthday came and went.

And I must say I had a Great time.

It's all about family, and since we have joined our two families together, it is such a blessing that they all wanted to share in my Birthday.

My husband believes every one should have a Great, Stupendous, Outstanding birthday and he goes to great lengths to make that happen.

He contacted everyone and we all met at the Japanese Restaurant for dinner and gift exchange, then over to his daughter's house for cake and ice cream. Boy what a cake that was. He asked me what I liked best and I said coconut cake, so I not only got the traditional coconut iced cake, but the cake itself was a coconut cake.

It totally blows me away that his children are so loving toward me. They still talk about their mother a lot, but don't make me feel any less important.

Two of my children came. That always is so much fun for me to see my adult children interact with each other and of course we always find something funny to laugh about.

My three brothers called to wish me a Happy Birthday. They are all older than me so for some reason they always remember my birthday. One brother, Charles, is 7 years older than me and he says he is still 39 so that makes me 32........Not! The oldest brother, Harvey, remains 29, as he keeps having anniversaries of his 29th birthday, and my brother Dempsey just says, "You are as old as you feel."

I come from a family of nine and I'm the youngest, and quite often remind them of that.

Family makes every day and every birthday extra special.

Many Blessings
Barbara

Almost a Year

It will soon be a year since I remarried. I asked my husband of almost one whole year, Larry, if he knew that the first year of marriage was supposed to be the hardest. His reply was, "Not for over 60 year olds.".

And you know what? He was right. Once you've been married and lost your spouse, for any reason, you have so much more knowledge of Life, Love, and Marriage, stored up in you.

Those trials of the first year when you are a newly wed and twenty or less, or for that matter over twenty, are truly tough. So many adjustments to make. But at sixty we already knew all the pitfalls and just went around them. You learn to give more and love more and be happy just being together.

If you were like me raised as an only child, then you had to learn to share, when you left the safety of home and got married. And since I was only 17 when I got married the first time, I had a lot more than just sharing to learn. Try cooking that first roast and not knowing how long it needs to be in the oven. Yeah, burnt doesn't taste too bad, if you are hungry.

But at sixty I was ready to share my life. Not only did I miss having a companion, I missed the affection of just having a hand to hold, and I missed having someone to love and should I leave out COOK for. I got better at it over the years!

Larry says I'm a great cook. Is that why we are now both going to Weight Watchers? Maybe I over learned in some areas. :)

Family

My family has grown over this past year. At first it was a new step-daughter and her husband and beautiful daughter, a new step-son and his wife. Then low and behold my oldest grandson became a father.

My daughter is now a grandmother and when I called myself Nana (the name all my grandchildren (5 of them) call me to this new bundle of joy, my wonderful grandson reminded me that now I am "Grand nana."

Now I ask you do I look like a Great Grandmother? Wait I'm only, well I admit to 43, at least I can use that number until my daughter who is 42 claims it. No really 61, and some days I still feel 43.

My family has grown and get togethers have become larger and to tell the truth, I'm loving it. My new husband can't understand the hours I spend in the kitchen preparing dinners when he would gladly take us all out. Nope I love the oppotunity to cook for my children making all their old favorites and rejoice in the new members of my family when they tell me their favorite dish that I have made.

Meeting

Now that I've opened the door to the fact that I am in essence a Newly Wed I will explain how we met.

E-Harmony.com. Yep we are an e-harmony couple. I'm not sure how long Larry was a member but I logged on for about two months in 2005, and didn't think I was particularly ready to share my life. My sister's bugged me about dating and meeting someone but I wasn't in any hurry, so I didn't follow through.

My husband passed away in January 2004 after a long illness and I had a lot of me to put back together.

In November of 2006 my youngest son got married and as I drove home from the Church after the wedding and spending time with friends and family I told God I was Ready. As I remember I told him I was ready to meet someone and here is my list of what I want. 1. Non Smoker 2. Non Drinker 3. Christian 4. A widower that has been in a long marriage and knows how to treat a woman 5. I DO NOT want a Project Man. ( My friends and I often laughed over getting married and the man being a work in progress, in other words a Project Man.

I'm sure God took my list into consideration, actually I'm positive He did. The only portion I should have refined was #5 when I said I didn't want a Project Man. Those two words can be taken as the way I meant them or I didn't want a Man who did projects. (Another Story line no doubt).

Anyway that next weekend E-Harmony advertised a Free Weekend from Friday through Sunday. Hey I'm all for Free so I activated my profile and sent it out into webdom. Surprise, surprise I got 10 responses. I read all the profiles and Larry's intrigued me. One question in the profile was "What was the last book you read". Larry's answer was The Bible. Hmm, well I answered, he wrote back some questions, I answered, and by Sunday we knew each other pretty well in the likes, dislikes, areas anyway.

I found out he was my age, had been married for 30 years to the same woman, had 2 children and one grandchild. He found out I had 3 children and 5 grandchildren.

Sunday arrived and after putting my foot in my mouth about the Big Church he went to verses my small church, I offered up my home email address as I was out of Free time.

Tune in for the rest of the story, when I once again have time to write.

Blessings / Barbara

Funny note to my husband

Last year I got married. My former husband passed away 4 years ago and I wasn't exactly looking to remarry, but then I met Larry, (that will have to be another post, because it was a very romantic meeting.) Larry's wife passed away 5 years ago and I like to tell him God was refining him for me, thus the time span.

Anyway this morning I got a short email from him telling me it has been a rough week and he was looking forward to the weekend and some rest. Well being the dutiful wife that I am I emailed him back with my thoughts on his day of rest. Of course the writer portion of me took liberties and went a little crazy.

Hey It's your day Baby, that is Saturday will be and you can rest up.
I promise to be quiet when I tip toe out of the bedroom and sneak
ever so quietly into the living room, and very mutely go into the
kitchen and make myself a cup of coffee, then take teeny tiny steps
to the front door, under cover of silence, unlock the door, gently
shove it open, shush the birds as I run down the driveway to retrieve
the paper, skipping back to the house, only to SLAM the front door
as I sweep into the living room and plop down on the sofa, rattle the
newspaper, slurp my coffee, whistle for the dogs, and hum your
favorite song, all the while thinking,

"It's your Day Baby, Sleep tight!

Now you gotta know the man loves me.

Blessings / Barbara

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In the Newspaper

Saturday I received a note with a picture of myself and two of the ladies from Friends of The Jeff Davis Library in Hazelhurst, Ga.

Oh my goodness not only that but the picture appeared in their home town newspaper. How cool is that? I was so excited I bubbled over and couldn't wait to tell the rest of the family.

Today I contacted the newspaper to get copies. Then talked to my friend Lavada telling her I felt conceited for wanting 5 copies, but she responded with "you should have ordered 6, one for me." Actually I wanted them for my scrapbook and to send to family members.

I am still awed at how I felt that day just being allowed to talk about writing. Since then I've thought of 100 more things I could have said.

Now I just need to start writing again and I keep wondering where I will find that time. So much going on right now with two houses to care for. Of course Larry's is up for sale but so much to be done to attract a buyer.

I know I wrote the other books under stress but I do so want to write Adam's Choices leisurely.

Book signing Adventure

Last Thursday January 17th I had the privilige of going to the Jeff Davis Library in Hazelhurst, Ga. The Friends of the Library invited me to come speak to their members about writing and publishing.

What an honor. The ladies were so gracious. And I sold 16 books. That is the highlight of an Author, knowing that someone would like to have a copy of their book.

The drive up to Hazelhurst was quiet interesting. We passed several cottom fields and cattle farms. The weather was cold but crisp and clear well not quite clear as we did drive through some rain.

Out host and hostess Wayne and Fonda Ussery, were just delightful. Their home is a certainly a show piece.

I am so ready to return to the computer and write another book.